An Invitation to Desire

May 11 / Kathi Gatlin

These words from Julian of Norwich were shared by a colleague during a class we hosted together. Julian wrote this during the 14th Century. A time impacted by the Bubonic Plague, the Hundred-Year War, and a schism in the Catholic Church. This was a time when everything was in upheaval. And these very inviting words came from Julian’s writings, as she reflected on visions she received during a severe illness many years prior. There is much to say about Julian’s life and what we do and do not know about her, but I’m following a different thread today. I want to linger in the invitation embedded in this beautiful string of words.

“A right understanding of our being…”

“trusting and allowing things to be…”

As I reflect on Julian’s insight here, I’m caught in the words “right understanding,” which seems to pull toward certainty. But in reality, this phrase is followed by “of our being”. What is a right understanding of our being that is shaped by trusting a God that has an emphasis on with-ness, relationship? “We are in God and God… is in us.”

I’ve come to recognize that a right understanding in this context is experiencing our belovedness regardless of anything. That doesn’t mean that things will be okay, but the love, a with-ness, of a Beautiful Companion in the midst of all we experience in life.

What decisions would we make if our identity, our okay-ness, our security were based on being a beloved? I can only speak for myself. I would follow desire and leading without regard for what others might say or believe about me. What about you?

Let me share an example. When I moved from Oregon to Texas, I had to leave behind a beloved dog. I had been wanting a dog for many years, and finally brought one home as a shared companion with my housemate at the time. Oliver was a Covid puppy, and his continued issues with anxiety were more than apparent, but he was dearly loved. And I missed him when I moved.

I’ve been here for about a year and live in an apartment. I wanted another dog, a companion, a friend. But what kind of sense did it make to bring one into a third-story apartment? Would this decision be one I could handle, given the upkeep, expenses, and responsibilities with everything else I am doing?

And yet there was this part of me that deeply desired a dog. I’ve been leaning into Internal Family Systems in my companioning role, and this young part had lost a dearly loved dog. I had only had Lady for a year before my parents took her to the pound while I was in school. We had just moved into this small town, and this pup was my confidant and friend during this transition. Losing Lady was a significant loss in my story.

As I leaned into this current desire to have a dog, it also felt healing to this young part in me. But did it make sense?

What could it hurt to go take a look?

I had been checking out a local rescue on Facebook and decided to attend their Open House. I wanted to get a feel for this organization and see if this would make sense.

You can probably guess the rest of the story.

The first dog I walked by was Winfrey, a 2-year-old terrier mix. She was quiet amid the other dogs' barking, but the document about her said she needed an active home. I wasn’t really an active home.

I checked out other dogs as well, but the person who was assisting heard what I was looking for - that I lived in a third-story apartment and wanted to take her to my grandson’s baseball games. She asked if I had seen Winfrey. So, I was drawn back to this very quiet pup in the midst of all the noise in the kennel.

That afternoon, Winfrey and I spent a couple of hours together, walking, sitting, and enjoying snuggles. She has very kind and joy-filled eyes. She is both playful and calm. I couldn’t take her then because of a trip I had planned, and they couldn’t hold her for me. When I returned, I was delighted to find that she was still there, because they had actually held her for me. What a sweet gift!

The gift of this beautiful, loving dog is in front of me daily. Following my inner desire brought the gift of being loved and companioned by Winfrey. And I notice my young inner child relishing the gift of this beautiful, furry soul. When I look into her kind eyes, I recognize my childhood dog, Lady. Winfrey feels like a gift from a companionable Presence - one that feels so right for me and my true desires in life.

So, what does this gift have to do with Julian’s words? As I walk out life as a beloved, knowing and trusting my worth with a God that is in me as I am in God, I can follow freedom in following my desires. Like they actually matter, while still knowing things don't always turn out well. Winfrey has had some accidents as she is learning to live in a third-story apartment, and she has destroyed one of my favorite shoes. But the gift of her presence allows me to linger in the Presence that surrounds us - knowing belovedness and worth.

I wonder what your invitation is in Julian’s words. How does the right understanding of your being as God is in you and you are in God show up in your life? What invitations linger in the deep desires of your soul? What invites you to recognize, or live out of your belovedness and worth in the eyes of the One who created you?

Kathi Gatlin

Kathi Gatlin founded Boldly Loved to bring together her two greatest passions: spiritual formation and teaching. In this, she utilizes her M.Ed. earned through George Fox University and her D.Min in Leadership and Spiritual Formation from Portland Seminary.

Her greatest joy is walking alongside others, individually and in groups, in their own spiritual journey, sharing ways of understanding God anew through contemplative prayer and teaching, and to see them grow in the depth of their own understanding of who God is and who they are in relationship with God.

Kathi is a spiritual director, supervisor, writer, spiritual formation group facilitator, retreat speaker, leadership mentor. For more information about Kathi, check out www.boldlyloved.org

An Invitation to Desire

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