Everything All At Once

Does it ever feel like you are trying to live everything all at once?

In her beautiful memoir Lost & Found, author Kathryn Schulz writes,
“...In everyday life...multiple simultaneous experiences and emotions are so
common that by the time we reach adulthood, the very fabric of our life is made
up of patchwork. We know by then that the world is full of beauty and grandeur,
and also wretchedness and suffering; we know that people are kind and funny
and brilliant and brave and petty and irritating and horrifically cruel…[W]e do not
live, for the most part, in a world of either/or. We live with both at once, with many
things at once--everything connected to its opposite, everything connected to
everything.” 1

As a spiritual companion, co-pastor, activist, and parent, I continually experience the
"both at once." I bear witness to those who live with mental illness or the effects of
trauma while affirming their courageous steps toward their dreams. I lament my
unwitting participation in social injustice while engaging in hopeful acts toward inclusion and ecological sustainability. I celebrate the world's beauty while mourning significant losses; I let go of certainty while creating something new. Every day, I come home to eat dinner, wash dishes, and navigate homework with my husband and teenage sons.

By November, I am trying to remember what happened in January. Though I write in my journal daily, often, the events and news of a single day inundate me with more
emotional experiences than I can metabolize. I start feeling like I'm leaving important
moments behind, half-noticed. I begin to feel fragmented and scattered, and it starts to feel like I'm spinning my wheels. I find I've gone numb because it's hard to take in
further emotional stimuli.

After incredibly anxious seasons such as this fall, I'm seeing emotional exhaustion in
myself and those I serve.

“Emotions are tunnels,” write Amelia and Emily Nagoski, the authors of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. “If you go all the way through them, you get to the light at the end. Exhaustion happens when we get stuck in an emotion.” 2 When life moves so fast that we can’t process emotional experiences, the stress that builds up in our systems can lead to burnout.

It is important to engage in practices that allow our emotions to complete their energetic movement through our bodies, minds, and spirits safely and appropriately. Exercise, positive social interaction, laughter, affection, and creative expression all offer ways to signal to our bodies that a stressful experience is finished.

One way I’ve used creative expression and social interaction to process a backlog of emotional experiences is by taking time to do an annual life review. As the end of the year approaches, I yearn for a guided pause to look back, remember significant events, allow myself to attend to incomplete emotions, and gather with spiritual companions to share our stories. Taking time out to notice, name, appreciate, and bless our life experiences helps us settle and clear our minds, bodies, and spirits so that we can be more fully present in our unfolding lives.

Influenced by Joanna Macy’s The Work that Reconnects, I’ve developed a life reflection process guided by four themes:

● Gratitude: the quality of a thankful heart that sees everything as a gift.
● Grit: the quality of inner strength that says, "Don't give up!" so that you
continue experimenting toward your goals.
● Grace: the quality of compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness which
opens a new perspective and sources of support for your path.
● Gift: the quality of expressing your generosity and graciousness to others
in response to the grace you’ve received.

With these four themes as lenses, I review the past year's events, inspirations, and experiences, letting myself savor the highlights and grieve the losses. I notice the goals I've accomplished, even as I give myself compassion for the times I  summoned the courage to take a risk only to fail and start over. I become aware of when I missed the mark in my relationships, and I seek forgiveness and open myself to grace. As I gather in the gifts that the year has given me, I consider what blessing it has prepared me to share with others in the year to come.

Gratitude, Grit, Grace, and Gift are spiritual resiliency resources that we all have inside us, that we all experience in the course of a year. As Hillary L. McBride comments in The Wisdom of Your Body, transformation occurs “when we have a new experience of ourselves and hold our attention on it long enough for it to sink in.” 3 By taking the time to review and reflect on our experiences, we integrate these resources in our minds and bodies so that we are more able to draw upon them when needed.

Your resiliency matters. It helps you show up each day ready to engage, adapt, and be fully present for whatever arises. More than ever, the world needs us to be present and well, fully alive and resilient in our loving, grieving, caring, and creating so that we can shape communities of compassion for all people and make this planet a place where all life can thrive.

Laura will facilitate an online retreat via Zoom on December 14, 10 AM-2 PM Pacific, called Gratitude, Grit, Grace, and Gift: Savor & Bless Your Year. A reflection workbook with journal prompts and event recording will be provided. Take time to pause, reflect, receive the gifts, and accept the struggles you've experienced. Put old anxieties to rest and renew your trust in your soul's wisdom to guide you into the year ahead. Complete this year with acceptance and readiness for what the new year brings. You will leave this retreat with a sense of wonder and connection, ready to receive inspiration, satisfaction, and deep joy this season and in the coming year.


[1] Kathryn Schulz, Lost & Found: A Memoir. New York: Random House, 2022.
[2] Emily and Amelia Nagoski, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. New York: Ballantine Books, 2020.
[3] Hillary L. McBride, The Wisdom of Your Body. Grand Rapids: Brazos Press, 2021.