Let’s Get This Party Started!

Life with God is not as boring as we sometimes make it to be. When I talk with non-contemplative types, they think the part of me that loves silent retreats and talks to trees is a little nutty. In reality, I love that part of me. I enjoy being a little odd, but in recent weeks, I have encountered parts of me that crave the ordinary.

At a recent appointment, my doc gave me the good news that I would not have surgery for an ankle and knee that I injured four months ago. In the three months since moving to Colorado, it has been killing me not to be scaling mountains and exploring all the things folks do here. In my spirit, I kept hearing, “Slow down,” but in full disclosure, I did not want to.

After the Doc cleared me from surgery, I started asking him for permission to do all the active things I love. He was like, “Whoa, whoa, slow down padawan. How about we ease back in?” There might have been an internal eye roll at this point, and for the record, he never called me his padawan. He explained the next step was to slowly prepare to get back in the game. Just like a basketball player would not immediately enter a competitive game after a serious injury, but would slowly reintroduce elements of the game. His prescription for rehab sparked a part of me long forgotten.

What I mean by parts is the various versions of our self that develop due to a variety of life circumstances. Everybody has internal parts that want to dialogue with their core self. Many of us ignore these parts, which often leads to those parts taking over. The analogy I share with clients is to imagine that our core self is in charge of driving the bus of our life, while our various parts interact with us from the backseats. However, these savvy parts often find their way into the driver’s seat, making life a little more interesting.

Internal Family Systems teaches that there are no bad parts. Each part of us, when operating from a place of freedom and love, reflects a facet of God that only you can express. These parts invite us to join a unique part of the Divine story.

Soul care providers discuss parts work because it helps each part unite in the core self’s desire for a good life. As we learn more about the different parts inside of us, we have some choices. Do we see them as a nuisance? Are we frustrated with the part that keeps launching spitballs at the back of our head while we drive the bus? Typically, frustration and annoyance towards another part of ourselves come from a different part versus the core self, but how do we discern who is driving the bus, and what do we do about the spitball queen?

In a recent conversation about parts work, Ben Shoup said, “Parts coming up are parts that have messages from God… they’re angels.” “That’s exactly right!” I exclaimed. So, in other words, the kid launching spitballs at you is trying to get your attention with a Divine announcement.

Since I injured my leg, a teenage part of me has been so angry that life sidelined her from the fun things she likes to do. Remember the kid on the bus who tried to be the adult and told everyone what to do? That part also served to reprimand the teenager, which only made her want to rebel more. Rebellion looked like changing how I eat and how I spend my time. It was my therapist who pointed out that my adolescent self was trying to stage a coup on the rest of us. At times, it seemed like she was going to win.

The core self is full of compassion, curiosity, and love for all your parts. It is like the understanding parent who gives their child space to explain what is going on with them. Finding out what disruptive parts really want has proven to be more helpful than trying to tell them what they cannot do. Something about my doctor using the analogy of the basketball player preparing to re-enter the game sparked something in my spitball queen part. She perked up and was like, “We know how to do that!” All my teenage years of training to play sports kicked into gear.

“First things first, we need a rocking playlist!” My teenage part reminded me that the mundane parts of training at a gym could be fun. The next step was to go into full Rocky Balboa mode and do what only I could do for myself. The next day at the gym, I felt my teenage part rise up in joy as we worked out to songs that stretch the decades. Most parts did not care whether the words had a holy message or not, but the parentified part, who sat at the front of the bus, started talking to Jesus about the situation. She was afraid that we were taking time away from the rhythms of silence and contemplation. At that moment, Pink’s song, “Get This this Party Started,” went full blast, and I envisioned Jesus rocking out on the elliptical next to mine. The parentified part was delighted, and my teenage part was living her best life.

How might life be different if you view your various parts as messengers from God? When your parts start driving the bus, take a moment to get curious with them. If you could stop the bus for a moment and change directions, what would they want to be doing? If what they want to be doing seems unhelpful, it is worth exploring the hidden desire behind the harmful behavior? Most of your parts are looking to return to the core of who you were created to be. When moving together with your parts, you will not only experience union with yourself, but you will find that God wants to join that party too!