Loneliness
Sep 7
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Audre Rickard
It was earlier in the summer, it was suggested I try a prayer practice that asks an object in nature what it wanted to say to me. As I walked out the front door of my home, I began to take notice of what I could see, feel and hear. The sun was warm, the air was fresh and day seemed to already be bustling. As I closed my eyes to quiet my thoughts, I immediately became present to the sounds of chirping birds. Some pleasant, some not so much, some short chirps and other long and rolling calls. They were so loud and yet so delightful.
My joy and my sorrow are sacredly link to who I am, a bird.
It was obvious, I was to have a conversation with a bird.
“Oh bird, what do you want to say to this lonely soul?”
Don’t cry baby girl, you are not alone.
Cry baby girl, for your tears are precious gems.
Be downcast, let’s go to the depths together. I’ll bring my joyful chipper and you bring your tears. We’ll be together in the depths where the good dirt is home to worms and bugs, hosting seeds of beauty and blossoms for the future.
Let’s look under every stone and behind every shadow for there is beauty and wonder to behold in the dark, lonely place that houses your soul.
Let’s never fear loneliness for through it you will find, your lonely companion is a wondrous site.
I am here baby girl, lonely is ok. It’s not to be feared for it is just a friend who needs more attention every once in awhile. And when we stay awhile not in fear, we will find companions of compassion, peace, presence, wonder, beauty, and grace are close by.
Embracing us in the warmest of hugs in the deep darkest of places, where Love is holding us all together.
So while you may have thought my joyful chipper was to distract you from the reality of the deep dark lonely cave, my chipper joy was only to keep you present to the reality of paradox where all things reside in the Spirit.
My pauses are times of breathing in the breath of my Creator to saturate my body with the life blood of peace, hope, wonder, sorrow, joy, compassion, grace and Love. For I am sacred just like you. My breath and my song are all sacred. My joy and my loneliness are for me as a bird. I am a more solitary being than my joyful chipper sings.
My joy and my sorrow are sacredly link to who I am, a bird.
So follow me baby girl for I will descend with you to the depths and I will ascend with you to the heights. For loneliness is our companion who is good, kind, gentle and loving. It is not the noose the enemy has fabricated it to be.
For where you are, I AM.
It still brings me to tears to read the Spirit’s answer to my simple question. Being with the Spirit through nature is a wondrous experience. It invites us to look deeper than what we see on the surface and plumb the lines of paradox in a gentle and affirming way.
As I reflect back on what this bird said to me, it is a gift to feel lonely and know I am never alone. Normally, I would distract myself from feeling this way because I feared I couldn’t handle the pain of my loneliness. I didn’t believe I would come back up from the deep dark lonely place. I thought being lonely meant I was inadequate or mentally ill. I also believed feeling lonely meant I was doubting the presence of the Spirit. These are all lies the enemy fabricated to keep me stuck.
Thankfully, the Spirit of the Living God knows I am human, full of emotion and easily distracted. The Spirit gently invites me to return to be present as my thoughts ping pong back and forth between past painful memories and the possibilities of the future.
Being in the present gives me an opportunity to live in the paradox and wonder of the Spirit.
Accepting paradox allows experiences to be defined as both/and instead of either/or. The both/and allows the seemingly conflicting and splintering things inside of me to reside peaceably, trusting Jesus to hold me together when it feels like I ought to be coming apart.
Where there is loneliness, the Spirit saturates us with compassion, peace, wonder, beauty, and grace in the deep dark places. Sometimes trusted people coming alongside us sitting in the depths with us and other times through the mystery of God, the Spirit’s presence is tangibly with us in the cave of our loneliness.
There is something incredibly profound and assuring that when we fall into deep wells of paradox, we find the waiting Spirit inviting us to explore, discover and be in the depths with us.
Because where ever we are, the Spirit is too.
In the Spirit’s Tight Grip,
Audre
Audre Rickard
Audre is a Spiritual Companioning Editor who is passionate about helping writers, authors, bloggers, pastors and spiritual directors lean in to their call to write words the world needs to hear. She holds in high esteem what wants to be said and what needs to be said. She believes it takes writer and editor leaning into the Spirit to hear clearly the words the Divine has called the writer to share. As the three sojourn together, the writer’s voice is strengthened, their writing craft is honed and their reader will hear the words they have been longing to hear at just the right time.
Audre founded Saturated Grace, LLC in response to her call to be a Spiritual Director. She provides spiritual companionship and hosts Saturated Grace Groups. She sees the world through the lens of being an autistic person who mothers nuerodivergent children.
You can find her on FaceBook here. Editorial inquires contact her by email at audrerickard@gmail.com. https://www.saturatedgrace.com/
