What Is It Like to Accompany Children Spiritually?

When I tell people that I help adults learn how to accompany children spiritually, their responses typically begin enthusiastically but quickly shift to a quizzical posture. The concept seems lovely and important, yet many are left wondering—how does it work in practice?

Recently, I stumbled upon a children’s picture book titled Noticing, which serves as an excellent introduction to the idea of accompanying children spiritually. The narrative features a young girl who forms a friendship with a painter. This artist, who identifies as a “noticer,” embodies a sense of hospitable wonder and delight that she shares with the child. Through her example, the painter encourages the girl to cultivate her own capacity to appreciate beauty and goodness in the world around her, in others, and within herself. The essential message conveyed by the painter is profound yet simple: “The more you pause and allow for the extraordinary…the more you find it.” This captures an essential element of spiritual accompaniment.

Trusting Their Core Connection

Accompanying a child spiritually involves applying the principles of spiritual direction in a format that is age-appropriate and accessible. This practice is not about teaching or mentoring; rather, the focus is on listening contemplatively alongside the child. It is founded on the conviction that children inherently possess a connection to the Divine, and also their truest selves. Research has shown that by the ages of four to six, children start to form their unique perspectives on God and spirituality. That’s why we, as caregivers and companions, do not need to manufacture spiritual experiences for them; instead, we have the chance to recognize that they are already engaging with spiritual matters, even if they lack the adult vocabulary to articulate those experiences.

Child psychiatrist Robert Coles, who dedicated three decades to studying children’s spirituality, learned through his observations that children are seekers. They are young pilgrims who are acutely aware that life is a finite journey, and they are just as eager to make sense of it as adults who have traveled further along that path. This perspective is essential in understanding the role we play in their spiritual journey. Remember the biblical story where the disciples scolded people for bringing children to Jesus, suggesting they would be wasting his time? Jesus’ response was striking: "Let them come!" (Matthew 19:14). The children were already on their path to Jesus. Their caregivers had facilitated proximity to him, and that was all that was needed. The task for the disciples was simply to step aside and allow the children to approach. The children’s Bible, The Book of Belonging, beautifully illustrates the scene that followed: “...the kids tumbled toward Jesus. His eyes warmed and welcomed even the shyest of the group as he crouched down to greet them.”

Our Role in Spiritual Accompaniment

Our role as adults in accompanying children spiritually involves inviting them to cultivate awareness and attention to God. We can utilize our natural authority to affirm that spiritual matters hold significance. We want to help them become attuned to the movements of the Divine both within and around them. Each time a child recognizes and responds to these spiritual nudges, they engage in a pattern of holy attention that carries profound spiritual and neurological implications. Consider your own earliest memories of God. For many, such experiences might include time spent with a beloved pet, special people like a grandparent, or immersed in joyful activities like swimming or playing a sport. For me, an early memory that stands out is from kindergarten, swinging on the playground with a friend as we sang a hymn together. In that moment, there was a sense of freedom, joy, and connection—an early sense of the Divine's closeness. If I were to draw that moment now, I would depict the Spirit joyfully swinging alongside us, singing in harmony.

Helping Children Access Their Wonder

Spiritual accompaniment aids children in deepening their natural curiosity and willingness to explore. Unfortunately, societal forces often work against this innate inquisitiveness. Modern children are particularly vulnerable to distractions; as Jonathan Haidt articulates in his book The Anxious Generation, smartphones and digital devices create an abundance of instant gratification that can dull children’s interest in non-digital experiences. He argues that since around 1995, an increasing number of young people (the same is true of many adults) have adopted a defensive posture, focusing more on protecting themselves than on discovery and learning. While it is undoubtedly essential for children to be aware of and attend to safety, being in a perpetual state of vigilance can be paralyzing and exhausting. This constant state of alertness can stifle opportunities for growth, learning, and engaging in the wondrous aspects of life.

Spiritual accompaniment can act as a remedy to these detrimental influences. Children naturally wonder, grieve, celebrate, imagine, and discover on their own, but they often deepen those experiences significantly when shared with a reliable and trustworthy companion. This shared experience of exploration is life-affirming not just for the children but also for the adults who engage in this meaningful work. Holy listening, or spiritual accompaniment, serves as a channel through which young people can discover in quiet, simple moments that their sacred selves are worth nurturing. Children need this loving attention, the space to breathe, and the freedom to explore their understanding of God. They need room to notice and respond to their experiences of beauty, mystery, and even loss.

The Discovery in Spiritual Accompaniment

When we participate in the spiritual accompaniment of children, we create an environment where they feel empowered to ask questions, express doubts, seek answers, and explore their faith without fear or hesitation. It offers children the chance to build a holy habit of attunement with the Spirit and their bodies, souls, and emotions that they can carry with them into adolescence and beyond.

Accompanying children spiritually is less about imparting knowledge and more about fostering a space where they can discover their faith and their own beautiful souls in a nurturing environment. As spiritual companions, we help them cultivate their awareness of God, allowing them room to explore, wonder, and be curious about the Divine. Ultimately, this journey is not only transformative for children but also enriching for the adults who embark on it alongside them. In a world filled with distractions, spiritual accompaniment can be a gentle nudge toward a life filled with wonder, discovery, and intimacy with the Divine.

Note: The fall cohort of Spiritual Accompaniment with Children begins on August 26th. You can learn more about it here. While this fall’s cohort is full, stay in the loop by signing up for the Companioning Center’s updates or Terra’s newsletter, or both!